Appreciation?

Ya know, I used to think that when my friends or acquaintances would complain about feeling "unappreciated", they were just making it up. They were just trying to get some sympathy from others. Now, I realize that they were not. I used to feel that there's no way I would ever feel that way, b/c I grew up in a pretty appreciative family. Now, I'm not so sure. Since I've been home and not working, I feel like everything I do is going un-noticed or unappreciated. I try to bust my ass to keep this house neat, granted it's not super spotless, but it's clean none the less. Sure, there are things here and there, but for the most part I try to keep it neat. Well, it would be nice sometimes if I wasn't expected to do some things all the damn time. Every morning, I clean up the kitchen (g'dads breakfast mess included), even re-cleaning sometimes after lunch b/c g'dad makes another mess. Granted, I don't make dinner every night. It would be nice some evenings to NOT do the dishes (or to not be EXPECTED to do them, just b/c I don't mind doing it so much now that I'm home).

I've gotten to where I'm OCD about some things too, and it irks the ever livin hell out of me when something's not done right or used properly. The kitchen has become one of those places that I have everything in a certain place for a reason, and by jiminy, that's where it freakin belongs! If I make a spot for something, and tell you that's where it should be, then put it there! Yeah, some might say I'm getting anal about this stuff, but dammit, when you work hard enough on something, or work on it every damn day and people don't pay attention or do whatever they want, it's irritating!!

If I wanted to feel unappreciated for the hard work I do, then I would go back to work at one of my previous jobs! No wonder I get irritated easily these days! I'm already under enough stress as it is trying to find another job, b/c I wasn't welcome to come back to my last one. I'm struggling hugely with money issues b/c I'm not working. I'm beginning to wonder if my life will ever get straightened out. If I'll ever make it on my own. If I'll ever find that one to settle down with and start my own family. Or am I just destined to live the rest of my life with my mom as my room mate? Don't get me wrong, I love my mom...but I need to start my own family. Damn, I'll be 31 in 22 more days...what's so wrong with me that I haven't started my own family yet? Why are guys so scared of me? Why do they think of me more as a friend/pal than relationship material? Oh well, that's another blog for another day. Just had to get some feelings off my chest before I completely explode!