Not Believed...

I hate the feeling of not being believed.

And that's how I feel right now. As if noone believes how I feel or what's going through my head or the kind of days that I have.

For example, I just got a call from the lawyer's office that I have been talking to about possible help with disability. From the lawyer herself. Basically, I was told on my first appointment with her paralegal that I have a winable case. Now, she's telling me I don't...

And she came to that conclusion based on the SSD doctor's notes from when I went to the visits with them per SSD. They didn't believe me. Basically said that they don't think there is anything wrong.

I firmly believe the reasoning for that is the days I did go see them, happened to be better days. Days when I was in less pain. Days when my mind was a little clearer. They didn't believe me.

Basically, the lawyer herself doesn't believe FM is real. Doesn't believe in FM at all. That's the impression I got. She also said something about my visit with Dr Mieden, the neurologist...he mentioned something about Lupus. Again, basically, the lawyer told me that if it was Lupus, then it would be "easier" to prove than FM.

I really don't know what to do or think at this point.

Yes, I know that some of the signs/symptoms for FM and Lupus are "interchangeable". And it could very well end up being Lupus and not FM...especially, since I have begun to notice a slight reddening on my face in a "butterfly" shape that is usually a tell-tale sign of Lupus.

I do know that I need to contact Dr Mieden's office, as the prescription for the Neurontin is nearly expired as it's been a year. But how can you do that when you don't have the money to go see them? Will they work with me in that aspect? Kind of hard to get the help you need when there is no money to pay those you need the help from! And how can I get help from Social Services when they won't help me b/c, and I'm not being racist here, I'm the wrong color? Or so it seems anyway.

As I'm typing this, I sit here and cry b/c it hurts! Why is it that when I need help, I can't get it? Is it b/c I have the morals and values to tell the truth and not lie just to get in? In good conscience, I can't lie about something just to make it sound worse than it really is! I have a hard time with something like that.

So what can I do?