Don't you just love it when people shirk their responsibilities at work? I know I do! Take for instance, you work at such a place that everyone is supposed to answer phones when they ring, and there is someone there that only works 1 or 2 days a week...and that person takes on the air that they don't have to answer phones or do this or do that. Well, I work with such a person...and today was NO exception!! So, imagine you are busting your tail doing your job and you are covered up in your own responsibilities within the company PLUS doing this other person's job for them b/c of that attitude they take on when they do work. Exciting work isn't it? Especially when you are having a hard enough time covering your work. Well, ya know what? This week, I honestly could care less (although it still pisses me off that while some people are busting their asses others just stand there, holding up counters or walls when phones are ringing like crazy and faxes are going off, etc). But, after this week, I won't have to deal with it for at least 3 months...or more if I change jobs. Anyway, just had to get this off my chest b/c even though I really do not care and will NOT go to my boss about it for the NTH time, it does piss me off. Just goes to show how much my boss really cares about how his employees feel about what goes on at work. Oh, and did I mention, this one person and I were the only ones at one point that were in the publics eye, except for the cashiers who were busy with many customers, and I was covered in filling rx's and they were just standing there, nothing to do, not offering to help and the phone ringing. Well, it rang 4 times before she finally answered it (b/c I ignored it and let it ring) and when they DID finally answer it, I heard a big huge sigh (as in "I guess I'll answer that since noone else is!) FUNNY! Downright knee slapping hilarious!!! I just loved it!! Poor baby, had to relinquish her spot of "holding up the counter" to answer the phone! That poor counter...although, I think it can pretty much stand on it's own without someone holding it up! Maybe that counter would feel abandoned if she didn't hold it up...or might fall down and get hurt! Boo Hoo!
HaHaHaHaHa!!!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Girl Language
Got this from a friend on myspace...thought it was cute also and wanted to post it here...it's actually kinda true if you stop and think about it!
If i dont call you [Its because im waiting for you to call me]
If i dont call you [Its because im waiting for you to call me]
When i walk away from you mad [Follow me]
When i stare at your mouth [Kiss me]
When i push you or hit you [Grab me and dont let go]
When i start cussing at you [Kiss me and tell me you love me]
When im quiet [Ask me whats wrong]
When i ignore you [Give me your attention]
When i pull away [Pull me back]
When you see me at my worst [Tell me im beautiful]
When you see me start crying [Hold me and tell me everything will be alright] When you see me walking [Sneak up and hug my waist from behind]
When im scared [Protect me]
When i lay my head on your shoulder [Tilt my head up and kiss me]
When i grab at your hands [Hold mine and play with my fingers]
When i tease you [Tease me back and make me laugh]
When i dont answer for a long time [Reassure me that everything is okay]
When i look at you with doubt [Back yourself up]
When i say that i like you [I really do more than you could understand]
When i bump into you [Bump into me back and make me laugh]
When i tell you a secret [Keep it safe and untold]
When i look at you in your eyes [Dont look away until i do]
When i miss you [Im hurting inside]
When you break my heart [The pain never really goes away]
When i say its over [I still want you to be mine]
When i repost this bulletin [I want you to read it]
My Heart...
Ok, I said in my last post I would touch on the "issue" with my heart (no, nothing medical).
I'm kind of at a loss...
See, there is this guy that I'm interested in. And he has shown signs of interest in me. I have taken those signs and I have hinted and made it more clear from my end that I'm interested and would like to maybe see where a relationship might take us. But, here's the problem. Whenever I say something a little more direct, he clams up and stops talking. Well, mostly we text at this point, but when we are together (on the rare occassion that is), we can't be alone enough for me to actually talk to him about it...or he "ignores" me except for a few minutes when I first see him or through out the night. Anyway...
This past Friday, I did venture out (but only b/c I had some serious prodding from 2 friends, 1 of which is this guy). Anyway, one of the friends did'nt show up after trying all day to get me to go out. So, I go up to my haunt, a little bar called Szarka's, and met him up there. Of course, some of our mutual friends were there...well, I met them through him, but we all became friends. After all the "how are you's" and "where have you been's" we settled into the routine of the bar scene. If you've ever been a bar hopper you know what I mean...watching the rest of the pool tournaments or listening to the DJ do his thing or watching and listening to the karaoke singers try to belt out a tune...all while drinking, chatting and having a good time.
So, he's happy to see me when I do walk in...even though he ignored my texts just before I got there...and we do the usual and hug and all. But anyway, except for like 5 little minutes, he basically ignores me all night. He does occassionally take a peek my way (by the way, we're all sitting together). Well, I need to go back a bit, he did offer me his stool when I got there. So on to it further...it's late into the night and most everyone else has left the bar except for our little grouping and a few scatters up at the bar. He's standing at the end of the bar, getting one of like 2 last drinks before last call (yeah, it's that late ha ha) and I walk over to him and asked him why he was ignoring me all night. He claims he wasn't and I told him he did, except for like 5 little minutes when I first walked in and when he put his arm around me asking who he should bet on in a pool game (little rinky dink bet of $5 LOL). He denied it a second time and I told him again he did, then turned and walked off and headed for the girl's room.
Then...when it was closing time and we were "packing" up to leave, he had been up at the bar and then just walked out and didn't tell me bye! Of course, I don't think he told any of the others bye either, but still...he used to always make an attempt to tell me bye. I sent him a text on my way home about it, haven't heard anything from him all weekend. So, I'm talkin to Mama this morning about it (as she and I have discussed this numerous times) and decided that I would send him a text telling him I needed to talk to him and to let me know when we could get together.
I'm not sure what to do. I think he's afraid of me for some reason...which he has no reason to be!!
He's such a sweet heart too! Last week when I was having a bad week, he had texted me that day and I told him about it. The next night he texted me again and asked if I had a better day and hoped I was feeling better. He does little things like that. He's just a doll! He's a very caring person, with a super huge heart. Whether he wants to believe that or not, is a different story. He's also very special...though he thinks he isn't. Like the Brad Paisley song goes..."You think you're one of millions but you're one in a million to me; When you wonder if you matter, baby look into my eyes; And tell me, can't you see you're everything to me". Something like that...he means alot to me and he's someone that I would like to get to know better than what I already know. I don't know if he reads this or not, but if he does...well I think he knows who he is and what I want to talk to him about. If he doesn't, well, I guess he'll find out if we do ever get to talk.
I'm kind of at a loss...
See, there is this guy that I'm interested in. And he has shown signs of interest in me. I have taken those signs and I have hinted and made it more clear from my end that I'm interested and would like to maybe see where a relationship might take us. But, here's the problem. Whenever I say something a little more direct, he clams up and stops talking. Well, mostly we text at this point, but when we are together (on the rare occassion that is), we can't be alone enough for me to actually talk to him about it...or he "ignores" me except for a few minutes when I first see him or through out the night. Anyway...
This past Friday, I did venture out (but only b/c I had some serious prodding from 2 friends, 1 of which is this guy). Anyway, one of the friends did'nt show up after trying all day to get me to go out. So, I go up to my haunt, a little bar called Szarka's, and met him up there. Of course, some of our mutual friends were there...well, I met them through him, but we all became friends. After all the "how are you's" and "where have you been's" we settled into the routine of the bar scene. If you've ever been a bar hopper you know what I mean...watching the rest of the pool tournaments or listening to the DJ do his thing or watching and listening to the karaoke singers try to belt out a tune...all while drinking, chatting and having a good time.
So, he's happy to see me when I do walk in...even though he ignored my texts just before I got there...and we do the usual and hug and all. But anyway, except for like 5 little minutes, he basically ignores me all night. He does occassionally take a peek my way (by the way, we're all sitting together). Well, I need to go back a bit, he did offer me his stool when I got there. So on to it further...it's late into the night and most everyone else has left the bar except for our little grouping and a few scatters up at the bar. He's standing at the end of the bar, getting one of like 2 last drinks before last call (yeah, it's that late ha ha) and I walk over to him and asked him why he was ignoring me all night. He claims he wasn't and I told him he did, except for like 5 little minutes when I first walked in and when he put his arm around me asking who he should bet on in a pool game (little rinky dink bet of $5 LOL). He denied it a second time and I told him again he did, then turned and walked off and headed for the girl's room.
Then...when it was closing time and we were "packing" up to leave, he had been up at the bar and then just walked out and didn't tell me bye! Of course, I don't think he told any of the others bye either, but still...he used to always make an attempt to tell me bye. I sent him a text on my way home about it, haven't heard anything from him all weekend. So, I'm talkin to Mama this morning about it (as she and I have discussed this numerous times) and decided that I would send him a text telling him I needed to talk to him and to let me know when we could get together.
I'm not sure what to do. I think he's afraid of me for some reason...which he has no reason to be!!
He's such a sweet heart too! Last week when I was having a bad week, he had texted me that day and I told him about it. The next night he texted me again and asked if I had a better day and hoped I was feeling better. He does little things like that. He's just a doll! He's a very caring person, with a super huge heart. Whether he wants to believe that or not, is a different story. He's also very special...though he thinks he isn't. Like the Brad Paisley song goes..."You think you're one of millions but you're one in a million to me; When you wonder if you matter, baby look into my eyes; And tell me, can't you see you're everything to me". Something like that...he means alot to me and he's someone that I would like to get to know better than what I already know. I don't know if he reads this or not, but if he does...well I think he knows who he is and what I want to talk to him about. If he doesn't, well, I guess he'll find out if we do ever get to talk.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Still Between That Rock And Hard Place
Well, I am still there...but, I've been thinking about going back to school. Thinking about digital photography. There is only one thing really standing in my way of that though...yep, you guessed it...$$$$$$!!! I need to find some way to see if there are any grants available for me to go...any help or ideas would be great!
I take alot of nature type pics...and, as you can see, doggy pics! But I think that if I go back to school, I can also learn how to better take portraiture type picss of people, and maybe animals too! I dunno...maybe work for a photography firm, then once I get the understanding of how the business works, go out on my own.
Since, I was basically told that I might want to look for another job...maybe it's time for a career switch. Who knows...I surely don't. I kinda feel like I'm back at square one, as I did before I found a direction to go healthwise.
Oh yeah, about that...still waiting waiting waiting on insurance to pre-approve the MRI. Nothing yet. Go figure...it's insurance! Gotta love it sometimes. Also, still waiting on the neuro to fill out my disability papers. I called them yesterday and spoke with his asst. and told him that next week is my last week and that I need that paper, PRONTO! He assured me he would check on it and call me when it was done and fax it back...what ya wanna bet that they misplaced the paperwork? Typical for a drs office alot of times.
Anyway, I went out last night for the first time in, heck I don't even know how long. It was ok...I was talked into it by 2 people, one of whom didn't show up (AHEM, I won't mention names, KDR! LOL) and the other who ignored me all night except for like 5 minutes. And when I asked that person (who also shall remain nameless, JC!!) why he ignored me, he said he didn't!!!! So, anyway...how does one take that? That's ok...at least I had Debbie to talk to!
Oh, and I did meet a new person, who is a nurse and said she would help me in anyway if I needed it. She works at Baptist and told me that if I needed anything to call her and she would help me...she's supposed to email me some information that she just took a continuing education course on about FM to help me more get more understanding. (I still don't think it's Lupus!) She was super sweet and right now, I do need all the help and support I can get!! She's willing to do anything to help me out. She made me feel pretty good about myself again, something I haven't felt in a long long time! Kept telling me how beautiful I was and how sweet I was, even though she had just met me. She said she kept wondering why I was looking so sad. I just told her I had alot on my mind all at once regarding my health, job and my heart.
My heart is another story, and another post for another time, I posted enough right now. Maybe later today or tomorrow, or sometime I'll spill the beans about my heart and THAT situation. That's a very tricky thing right now. So, ta-ta for now and watch for more posts to come.
Oh, and thanks to those of you that read this and that respond with encouraging and uplifting words! And I think you know who you are (nameless again, JT..love ya girl!!)
I take alot of nature type pics...and, as you can see, doggy pics! But I think that if I go back to school, I can also learn how to better take portraiture type picss of people, and maybe animals too! I dunno...maybe work for a photography firm, then once I get the understanding of how the business works, go out on my own.
Since, I was basically told that I might want to look for another job...maybe it's time for a career switch. Who knows...I surely don't. I kinda feel like I'm back at square one, as I did before I found a direction to go healthwise.
Oh yeah, about that...still waiting waiting waiting on insurance to pre-approve the MRI. Nothing yet. Go figure...it's insurance! Gotta love it sometimes. Also, still waiting on the neuro to fill out my disability papers. I called them yesterday and spoke with his asst. and told him that next week is my last week and that I need that paper, PRONTO! He assured me he would check on it and call me when it was done and fax it back...what ya wanna bet that they misplaced the paperwork? Typical for a drs office alot of times.
Anyway, I went out last night for the first time in, heck I don't even know how long. It was ok...I was talked into it by 2 people, one of whom didn't show up (AHEM, I won't mention names, KDR! LOL) and the other who ignored me all night except for like 5 minutes. And when I asked that person (who also shall remain nameless, JC!!) why he ignored me, he said he didn't!!!! So, anyway...how does one take that? That's ok...at least I had Debbie to talk to!
Oh, and I did meet a new person, who is a nurse and said she would help me in anyway if I needed it. She works at Baptist and told me that if I needed anything to call her and she would help me...she's supposed to email me some information that she just took a continuing education course on about FM to help me more get more understanding. (I still don't think it's Lupus!) She was super sweet and right now, I do need all the help and support I can get!! She's willing to do anything to help me out. She made me feel pretty good about myself again, something I haven't felt in a long long time! Kept telling me how beautiful I was and how sweet I was, even though she had just met me. She said she kept wondering why I was looking so sad. I just told her I had alot on my mind all at once regarding my health, job and my heart.
My heart is another story, and another post for another time, I posted enough right now. Maybe later today or tomorrow, or sometime I'll spill the beans about my heart and THAT situation. That's a very tricky thing right now. So, ta-ta for now and watch for more posts to come.
Oh, and thanks to those of you that read this and that respond with encouraging and uplifting words! And I think you know who you are (nameless again, JT..love ya girl!!)
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Between A Rock And A Hard Place
So, what to do? Well, basically I have been told that while I am out on disability/short term medical leave that I should probably look for another job. That there is more than likely no guarantee that I will have a full time position available upon my return. That just isn't right, not after all I have done for that freakin company! It's not fair to me. At least, I don't think so!! My pharmacy manager wants me to come back, but he is only a 33 & 1/3 vote in the whole thing. He told me yesterday while we were discussing the "letter" I had to write requesting the disability/short term leave that one of the other "voting partners" didn't want to ensure that position be available upon my return in January. The other wouldn't be back in town until today and they had to talk with him also. So, what the hell am I supposed to do? I can't NOT work. I have to have something with benefits so that I can continue to go through all this medical testing I'll have to endure. I can't afford it and neither can Mama! So, I guess my only other options are to marry that rich man that will take care of me the rest of my life, or hit the lottery! Hell, who am I kidding...I have a better chance of hitting the lottery than getting married, much less marry a rich man! Can ya tell I'm just a teensy bit perturbed by the whole friggin ordeal? It's stressing me out, which is NOT good for me right now.
I just don't know what to do! My life has gone down hill and is continuing to pick up speed...with no end in sight. HELP! I don't know what happened. Everything was going so well for me, and then WHAMMO! I'm knocked into a barrell of sh*t!! And it's hightly doubtful that I'll come up smelling like roses. I never do! Everything that's ever been good in my life has always fallen apart. It's like I'm destined to not be happy for extended periods of time. It just plain SUCKS!
I'm kind of entertaining the idea of going back to school for something, just don't know what. The only other career that I ever entertained was a criminalist/csi. But that's an extremely physical career and I know that I couldn't handle that now. Ten years ago, yeah I could do it..now, not a chance! I'm kinda tossing the idea around of something with digital photography. But what? I know I would need to go back to some school for that...but the main question there is...could I get the grants (not loans) but grants to go to school? Mama suggested something like a receptionist in a doctors office or something like that...I just don't think I would be happy with something like that. It would be nice if I could find something similar where I didn't really have to deal with the public that could give me the benefits I need. Problem is, with all that's going on, I'm not sure just HOW much testing I'll be going through...or how much I might be out due to what I'm going through. I'm not even sure now how long I'll be out on disability. If they can't ensure me a FT position by January, then what? Maybe I just need to pursue going out on permanent disability. A thought I dread b/c that's the last thing I ever wanted to do!!!
I just don't know what to do! My life has gone down hill and is continuing to pick up speed...with no end in sight. HELP! I don't know what happened. Everything was going so well for me, and then WHAMMO! I'm knocked into a barrell of sh*t!! And it's hightly doubtful that I'll come up smelling like roses. I never do! Everything that's ever been good in my life has always fallen apart. It's like I'm destined to not be happy for extended periods of time. It just plain SUCKS!
I'm kind of entertaining the idea of going back to school for something, just don't know what. The only other career that I ever entertained was a criminalist/csi. But that's an extremely physical career and I know that I couldn't handle that now. Ten years ago, yeah I could do it..now, not a chance! I'm kinda tossing the idea around of something with digital photography. But what? I know I would need to go back to some school for that...but the main question there is...could I get the grants (not loans) but grants to go to school? Mama suggested something like a receptionist in a doctors office or something like that...I just don't think I would be happy with something like that. It would be nice if I could find something similar where I didn't really have to deal with the public that could give me the benefits I need. Problem is, with all that's going on, I'm not sure just HOW much testing I'll be going through...or how much I might be out due to what I'm going through. I'm not even sure now how long I'll be out on disability. If they can't ensure me a FT position by January, then what? Maybe I just need to pursue going out on permanent disability. A thought I dread b/c that's the last thing I ever wanted to do!!!
Friday, September 19, 2008
This Is How We Do It!
Well, I managed to get in touch with the neurologists assistant and he had me fax the disability form over there. Also, spoke with the insurance person at the doc's office and am just waiting on the doctor to get her the clinical notes so she could call the insurance company. So, hopefully, she got those notes yesterday like she thought she would and she was able to call them. Maybe my insurance won't drag ass on this and they can get the MRI scheduled soon. And all this other testing can get underway quickly.
Once I have the MRI...then I can get on to the in depth testing to determine just exactly what is going on and find out what type of Lupus I have...if that's what it is. I still think FM...but that's just my opinion! And what would a "lay person" know about health care issues and diagnoses and such like that anyway? HaHa...alot more than they think! I, like my Mama, am a deep researcher. That's why I know so much about my symptoms and can tell the doctor just what is going on in such terms that a "lay person" shouldn't know!!! Anyway...
I was asked to submit a "letter" to my boss requesting I go out on short term medical leave/disability. Well, I can understand that's to cover his ass...but I made sure with that letter that MY ass is also covered. Like, that my benefits are continued while I am OUT on leave. He told me that he was fine with the letter, but that he had to basically get that "approved" by the big man, the one that owns the company. I'm hoping by Monday (Tuesday at the latest) I will know what the "big man" said and whether or not it's "approved".
I also checked with my insurance company if my benefits could be "terminated" while I was out..and according to them, the way my benefits are, I should be fine and my benefits should NOT be terminated. So, that tells me that if the "big man" decides to terminate my benefits while I'm out...that he went against the policy and well, I can take legal action against him for it. And believe me...I will!! I will SOMEHOW come up with the money to do so! So if that happens...don't be surprised if I begin asking for donations for the Brat Legal Fund! HaHa!!
Anyway, I think I'm getting a sinus infection...yuck! So, that's all for now...will update more later.
Once I have the MRI...then I can get on to the in depth testing to determine just exactly what is going on and find out what type of Lupus I have...if that's what it is. I still think FM...but that's just my opinion! And what would a "lay person" know about health care issues and diagnoses and such like that anyway? HaHa...alot more than they think! I, like my Mama, am a deep researcher. That's why I know so much about my symptoms and can tell the doctor just what is going on in such terms that a "lay person" shouldn't know!!! Anyway...
I was asked to submit a "letter" to my boss requesting I go out on short term medical leave/disability. Well, I can understand that's to cover his ass...but I made sure with that letter that MY ass is also covered. Like, that my benefits are continued while I am OUT on leave. He told me that he was fine with the letter, but that he had to basically get that "approved" by the big man, the one that owns the company. I'm hoping by Monday (Tuesday at the latest) I will know what the "big man" said and whether or not it's "approved".
I also checked with my insurance company if my benefits could be "terminated" while I was out..and according to them, the way my benefits are, I should be fine and my benefits should NOT be terminated. So, that tells me that if the "big man" decides to terminate my benefits while I'm out...that he went against the policy and well, I can take legal action against him for it. And believe me...I will!! I will SOMEHOW come up with the money to do so! So if that happens...don't be surprised if I begin asking for donations for the Brat Legal Fund! HaHa!!
Anyway, I think I'm getting a sinus infection...yuck! So, that's all for now...will update more later.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Doctor Speak...
Ok, my dr just called me back...wow! What a shocker, he called me that quickly! Well, it really shouldn't be much of a shocker b/c he is pretty quick about those things. We spoke briefly about everything, and he said that he may be able to fill out those papers if the neuro can't or won't. So, we'll see. I'm about to call the neuro now and see what they say about filling out those papers. Fingers crossed everyone!!
And Now...The News...
Well, as of my last post, I relayed that the neurologist thinks I have Lupus. Well, as of Friday (the day after that), I have been informed that my job is in jeopardy due to my health...although, they call it "poor performance" at work (I guess to cover their asses). Anyway, due to that...Mama and I talked extensively Friday night and over the weekend and we decided (even though I really do NOT wish to do this) that I should go out on disability. So, I called my AFLAC representative on Monday morning and he sent me the paperwork to get it started...which I received in the mail this a.m. Now, I just need the neurologist to fill out his part and get my employer to do their part.
In the mean time, until I go out on disability, I am still working full time...as I have requested of my employer, so as to have my benefits, which, if I am not mistaken, I will continue to have throughout this period. Right now, my plan is to go out from October 4 (possible last day) to January 5 (return). That's tentative however...I may find another job with another pharmacy during that time. Who knows...it seems they want me gone from there anyway. I have 2 possibilities open. Although, haven't pursued either one yet...gonna wait just a bit and see.
I'm being "pushed" at my current job to move the disability along and get started on it. So, I feel as if I'm being pushed out. My other option, other than disability, was to request to drop from full-time (where I have benefits) to part-time (where I'll have NO benefits). As we all know, with all the dr visits and testing I'm about to face...I NEED THOSE BENEFITS!!!!!! I can NOT stress that enough. So, I chose to take the disability option and continue to have my benefits so that I CAN proceed with all the testing and dr visits, etc.
I'm hoping the neurologist will comply and fill out the papers I need him to...if not, I will talk to my medical dr and see if I can sweet talk him into it. He's pretty good about stuff like that, and I think I could persuade him to help me out. Even though he didn't seem to believe me before. Which reminds me, I do need to call him and let him know what the neuro said. He is unaware that I went to see a neuro about all this. I'm sure he'll be a bit surprised, but he didn't believe me and I needed to get a second opinion and get going somewhere!
Ok, I just got off the phone with my dr (leaving a msg of course...NO surprise there! ha ha). Gave him my number so if he wants to call and talk to me about it, he can! At which point I will address the disability issue with him and ask of him that if the neuro can't or won't fill out the form, if he will. All hopes that he will say yes. But, I'm counting on the neuro to do that, since he is the one that is "pretty sure it's Lupus".
In the mean time, until I go out on disability, I am still working full time...as I have requested of my employer, so as to have my benefits, which, if I am not mistaken, I will continue to have throughout this period. Right now, my plan is to go out from October 4 (possible last day) to January 5 (return). That's tentative however...I may find another job with another pharmacy during that time. Who knows...it seems they want me gone from there anyway. I have 2 possibilities open. Although, haven't pursued either one yet...gonna wait just a bit and see.
I'm being "pushed" at my current job to move the disability along and get started on it. So, I feel as if I'm being pushed out. My other option, other than disability, was to request to drop from full-time (where I have benefits) to part-time (where I'll have NO benefits). As we all know, with all the dr visits and testing I'm about to face...I NEED THOSE BENEFITS!!!!!! I can NOT stress that enough. So, I chose to take the disability option and continue to have my benefits so that I CAN proceed with all the testing and dr visits, etc.
I'm hoping the neurologist will comply and fill out the papers I need him to...if not, I will talk to my medical dr and see if I can sweet talk him into it. He's pretty good about stuff like that, and I think I could persuade him to help me out. Even though he didn't seem to believe me before. Which reminds me, I do need to call him and let him know what the neuro said. He is unaware that I went to see a neuro about all this. I'm sure he'll be a bit surprised, but he didn't believe me and I needed to get a second opinion and get going somewhere!
Ok, I just got off the phone with my dr (leaving a msg of course...NO surprise there! ha ha). Gave him my number so if he wants to call and talk to me about it, he can! At which point I will address the disability issue with him and ask of him that if the neuro can't or won't fill out the form, if he will. All hopes that he will say yes. But, I'm counting on the neuro to do that, since he is the one that is "pretty sure it's Lupus".
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Direction...
Well, most of you, if not all of you, know that I had a neurology appointment today...to get started finding out what is going on with me. Well...I now have a definitive direction of where I'm headed...and what's ahead.
Dr. Mieden (the neurologist) started out the usual..."Tell me what's been going on, as chronologically as you can..blah blah blah." Anyway, I told him everything that I could think of, with of course, Mama adding in a few things that slipped my mind. Then, he began doing some "physical" tests on me. The pin prick test, strength tests, reflexes, etc. As we talked and he tested...he pretty much ruled out MS...which was a big sigh of relief. He continued on and said that he was pretty sure it's Lupus. That out of 13 classic signs, I was exhibiting 5 of those signs, which is just about half...and he was pretty sure that's what it is. He also basically told me there really isn't much that HE can do for me, and wants me to get an MRI of my brain to rule out any tumors, growths, funky things going on there, etc and then to see a rheumatologist. So, now we wait. Why the wait you ask? It's this little thing called "insurance"!! They have to contact my insurance carrier and get pre-approval for the MRI. Once that's done, they'll call me and we'll schedule the MRI. Then, once those results come back, I'll see Dr. Mieden again to discuss and go over that. Once we do that, they will contact Dr. Ziolkowska in Asheboro...that's the rheumatologist. At that point, that's when the big battery of tests will probably begin...to rule out other things like RA (rheumatoid arthritis), probably additional tests to rule out MS even further, etc. Not sure when all this will take place...so for now it's just the waiting game.
He also prescribed me some medication to help with the muscle pain and get me through. I got that script filled this afternoon and took the first one around 330pm or so and already I can actually feel the effects of it helping me to relax more...and I'm not hurting like I was before the visit.
Already I do feel better emotionally b/c at least now I have a sense of where I'm headed and have something to definitively KNOW. I'm going to hit the web once I finish this post and do a little research on Lupus. In all honesty, I never even considered Lupus, though I knew that it could possibly be a diagnosis. But it was way down in the list. Anyway, off to google now to check out Lupus and what my prognosis is and find other tips and tricks to help manage it aside from the medication. Will update and post more as I find out.
Dr. Mieden (the neurologist) started out the usual..."Tell me what's been going on, as chronologically as you can..blah blah blah." Anyway, I told him everything that I could think of, with of course, Mama adding in a few things that slipped my mind. Then, he began doing some "physical" tests on me. The pin prick test, strength tests, reflexes, etc. As we talked and he tested...he pretty much ruled out MS...which was a big sigh of relief. He continued on and said that he was pretty sure it's Lupus. That out of 13 classic signs, I was exhibiting 5 of those signs, which is just about half...and he was pretty sure that's what it is. He also basically told me there really isn't much that HE can do for me, and wants me to get an MRI of my brain to rule out any tumors, growths, funky things going on there, etc and then to see a rheumatologist. So, now we wait. Why the wait you ask? It's this little thing called "insurance"!! They have to contact my insurance carrier and get pre-approval for the MRI. Once that's done, they'll call me and we'll schedule the MRI. Then, once those results come back, I'll see Dr. Mieden again to discuss and go over that. Once we do that, they will contact Dr. Ziolkowska in Asheboro...that's the rheumatologist. At that point, that's when the big battery of tests will probably begin...to rule out other things like RA (rheumatoid arthritis), probably additional tests to rule out MS even further, etc. Not sure when all this will take place...so for now it's just the waiting game.
He also prescribed me some medication to help with the muscle pain and get me through. I got that script filled this afternoon and took the first one around 330pm or so and already I can actually feel the effects of it helping me to relax more...and I'm not hurting like I was before the visit.
Already I do feel better emotionally b/c at least now I have a sense of where I'm headed and have something to definitively KNOW. I'm going to hit the web once I finish this post and do a little research on Lupus. In all honesty, I never even considered Lupus, though I knew that it could possibly be a diagnosis. But it was way down in the list. Anyway, off to google now to check out Lupus and what my prognosis is and find other tips and tricks to help manage it aside from the medication. Will update and post more as I find out.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Such Is My Life...
Ok, it's Monday, just before I'm going to leave for work. As with all Monday's, the boss I have trouble with will be there. I'm going in with a good 'tude this am...let's see if he still has his ass on his shoulders as he did on Friday. I had an extremely bad weekend physically and stayed in bed all weekend, except for the hour or so when I went to the grocery store with Mama on Saturday. I'm very weak right now, but I'll push myself today like always. We'll see come lunch just how it goes!
Well, it's lunch and I guess he really hasn't been an ass...except for one teensy weensy thing..I specifically asked him to NOT have to do the order today b/c I was so weak and hurting and the first thing out of his mouth was "Yeah, you are doing it." So, does he flippin' care about his employees? HELL NO! Well, certain ones anyway. It makes me think that he treats me that way to try to make me leave. Unless I HAVE to medically, I won't give him the satisfaction if I can help it. Sometimes I wish there was something I could do to make HIS life there a living hell, like he seems to be trying to do to me!
I'm weak and hurting really badly today...I'm also very emotional...crying for no reason, just out of nowhere. I can't live like this! This is not a normal "me"! And I know it's part of the symptoms that go along with whatever it is I'm going through. It's all I can do to write out my feelings right now.
After lunch, it really wasn't any better. Not until 630 when it was time for me to leave for the day. Of course, his 2 favorites were there. And the other 2 coworkers that were there left at 6pm. Ha! Needless to say, that from 6-630...he and his 2 favorites pretty much stayed in the office, giggling and not working. Oh, I'm sure their thoughts were "Oh, Melissa's out there, she'll do it all!" Well, I got news for them...I will not be taken for granted nor will they take advantage of me either. So, I kept myself busy doing OTHER things, things that kept me from getting the phone or the register...like, disappearing into the back room WITHOUT telling them, and taking the trash out and making that task last for like 20 minutes...the last 20 minutes of my shift that is. I know that's vindictive, but dammit, I refuse to let them take me for granted or play around and be their fall guy. Nope, it will not happen...I won't let it! They want to pull that kind of b.s., fine, let em...but I won't be the fall guy and I won't pick up their slack either! If it gets busy, it gets busy and I'll do other things. I'll find something to do.
This weekend was really bad for me. The stress I had on Friday really took it's toll on me. Saturday I hurt so bad, but I went on anyway to the store with Mama and then came home and helped her with dinner. Then, back to bed I went. Fell asleep around 1030 or so, then woke up with a migraine headache around 1am. Took half a vicodin, paced for a little bit then managed to ease back into bed around 2, then the headache returned with a vengence around 3ish. Took another half vicodin, but wasn't able to go back to bed till 630-7ish. Slept for another 2 or 3 hours, then got up and took the babydog out. Mama was still asleep b/c she had a bad night Saturday also (she has a crick in her neck and that was keeping her awake). So neither she nor I were worth anything on Sunday. Then on Sunday, I stayed in bed all day...until Mama came and woke me up for dinner. I helped her get dinner on the table then partially cleared the dishes and then back to bed I went. Stayed there until I got up this morning. Hoping that all the rest would make me ok for today, but it didn't. My arms, shoulders, legs and back muscles ache so bad, I just want to cry. Not to mention the cramping. And of course, if that isn't bad enough, it's that time of the month...which I have noticed over time seems to make everything worse.
Well, tomorrow is Tuesday...and the ass boss has me doing the order AGAIN!! Thankfully, he has 2 people doing the order tomorrow. I'm really getting tired of his 'tude towards me and putting all the crappy stuff off on me. If it keeps up much longer, I will go once more to my other boss and tell him of my feelings. Maybe if I just keep going to him about it, something will get done? Nah...doubt it! Anyway...I'm going to end this post here...with thoughts of bowling tomorrow night. Hopefully I'll feel up to it and will be able to bowl my best!
Well, it's lunch and I guess he really hasn't been an ass...except for one teensy weensy thing..I specifically asked him to NOT have to do the order today b/c I was so weak and hurting and the first thing out of his mouth was "Yeah, you are doing it." So, does he flippin' care about his employees? HELL NO! Well, certain ones anyway. It makes me think that he treats me that way to try to make me leave. Unless I HAVE to medically, I won't give him the satisfaction if I can help it. Sometimes I wish there was something I could do to make HIS life there a living hell, like he seems to be trying to do to me!
I'm weak and hurting really badly today...I'm also very emotional...crying for no reason, just out of nowhere. I can't live like this! This is not a normal "me"! And I know it's part of the symptoms that go along with whatever it is I'm going through. It's all I can do to write out my feelings right now.
After lunch, it really wasn't any better. Not until 630 when it was time for me to leave for the day. Of course, his 2 favorites were there. And the other 2 coworkers that were there left at 6pm. Ha! Needless to say, that from 6-630...he and his 2 favorites pretty much stayed in the office, giggling and not working. Oh, I'm sure their thoughts were "Oh, Melissa's out there, she'll do it all!" Well, I got news for them...I will not be taken for granted nor will they take advantage of me either. So, I kept myself busy doing OTHER things, things that kept me from getting the phone or the register...like, disappearing into the back room WITHOUT telling them, and taking the trash out and making that task last for like 20 minutes...the last 20 minutes of my shift that is. I know that's vindictive, but dammit, I refuse to let them take me for granted or play around and be their fall guy. Nope, it will not happen...I won't let it! They want to pull that kind of b.s., fine, let em...but I won't be the fall guy and I won't pick up their slack either! If it gets busy, it gets busy and I'll do other things. I'll find something to do.
This weekend was really bad for me. The stress I had on Friday really took it's toll on me. Saturday I hurt so bad, but I went on anyway to the store with Mama and then came home and helped her with dinner. Then, back to bed I went. Fell asleep around 1030 or so, then woke up with a migraine headache around 1am. Took half a vicodin, paced for a little bit then managed to ease back into bed around 2, then the headache returned with a vengence around 3ish. Took another half vicodin, but wasn't able to go back to bed till 630-7ish. Slept for another 2 or 3 hours, then got up and took the babydog out. Mama was still asleep b/c she had a bad night Saturday also (she has a crick in her neck and that was keeping her awake). So neither she nor I were worth anything on Sunday. Then on Sunday, I stayed in bed all day...until Mama came and woke me up for dinner. I helped her get dinner on the table then partially cleared the dishes and then back to bed I went. Stayed there until I got up this morning. Hoping that all the rest would make me ok for today, but it didn't. My arms, shoulders, legs and back muscles ache so bad, I just want to cry. Not to mention the cramping. And of course, if that isn't bad enough, it's that time of the month...which I have noticed over time seems to make everything worse.
Well, tomorrow is Tuesday...and the ass boss has me doing the order AGAIN!! Thankfully, he has 2 people doing the order tomorrow. I'm really getting tired of his 'tude towards me and putting all the crappy stuff off on me. If it keeps up much longer, I will go once more to my other boss and tell him of my feelings. Maybe if I just keep going to him about it, something will get done? Nah...doubt it! Anyway...I'm going to end this post here...with thoughts of bowling tomorrow night. Hopefully I'll feel up to it and will be able to bowl my best!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Yesterday...
Now, keep in mind that the following post actually should have been done yesterday, but I was just too tired when I got home to do it. I wrote it down in a notebook with the intent of transferring it when I got home.
Well, yesterday was crazy...but better than the day before, even though we were a person short all day. There are 3 coworkers I seem to bring out the worst in, none of them were there...and the bad thing about those 3 is one is a boss. Wild? Crazy? Funny? What do you call that?
Let me explain a little about the "vibe" I get from this boss...he's the type that "favors" certain employees over others. Not so much based on the actual work they do, but physical appearances. Yeah, one of those people that think "I'm better than you b/c you don't fit a certain standard" types. The kind of people that I have strived my whole life to get them to see "Hey! There is more to me than my physical appearance." Just b/c I don't look a certain way or have their money or whatever doesn't mean I'm not worthy! I can work just as hard, I am just as smart (although I feel I'm smarter simply for the fact that I don't judge people like they do, but that's just my opinion). But this little rant isn't about me, it's about this boss. How can they expect an employee to be happy in their job when they have one boss that makes multiple employees feel this way? I know I'm not the only one that does feel that way...I know of 2 others, but doubt they would admit it to anyone else, like another boss (which I HAVE done!).
When I started this post, it was before work...as of this paragraph, I'm on lunch. Needless to say, the prior boss I was talking about has had his ass on his shoulders all freaking day! And I have been trying for a long time to be better about some things and keep MY 'tude in check, well that's hard to do when this boss has his ass on his shoulders (towards just me it seems!) For whatever reason, I feel as if he doesn't like me and pulls this crap which puts me in a bad way and then he flippin' has the BALLS to tell my other boss that I'M the one with the problem and I get yelled at for it!! I do love my job, really, but my toes are on the edge of finding another job elsewhere! I don't want to leave where I'm at, I've worked too hard to get here! But I'm almost to the point of telling them it's me or him (and I know without a doubt they would choose him over me!)
Of course, all this "negativity" is not good for me physically b/c it puts undue stress on my muscles, which makes me hurt worse...and of course, doesn't aid the 'tude! I woke up today hurting but was determined to have a good day anyway. Yesterday was the same way, but I did have a good day. Todaay...that's freakin' impossible! And it's NOT my fault! Dammit, why can't anyone believe me when I tell them ANYTHING?! I try to explain to my other boss when I'm getting yelled at that it's not entirely ME, but no, it's going in one ear and out the other! Just like with my doctor about my health!
I know one shouldn't say "never"...but I NEVER had this problem until this one boss came to work here! And noone else can see that. What's wrong with this picture? Every-freakin'-thing! I don't know what to do! I'm scared for my health, of a possibility of finding something worse than what I suspect. I just don't know how to deal anymore! I'm tired of spending my lunches crying or upset over this b.s. I'm tired (as I'm sure Mama and G-Daddy are) of going home at the end of the day and snapping at or taking it out on them. I honestly don't mean to put them through that, but it's happening more and more lately. I don't get paid enough to put up with that crap!! And my family damn sure doesn't deserve to be treated this way by me!!
Ok, lunch is just about over, so we'll see how the rest of this day goes. Maybe the ass will have his ass off his shoulders when I go back on shift...but I'm not holding my breath!!
Ok, now it's 7pm and I'm sitting here finishing up this post before I head home. The rest of the day was better b/c about an hour after getting back from lunch, the ass left for the day! Yeah baby! Needless to say things were better! So I'm gonna leave it there and end this post on a better note. Ta-Ta for now!
So once I got home, I talked with Mama about the days events and felt even better. Though today, I'm definately feeling the stress I was under yesterday in my muscles. I didn't want to get out of bed this am...but I forced myself to and go to the store with Mama. I didn't even feel like typing up this post...but I have to force myself to do these things. This is the kind of thing I go through on a daily basis. My arms and legs are just soooo weak right now it's all I can do to sit here. Well, that's all for now...more next time.
Well, yesterday was crazy...but better than the day before, even though we were a person short all day. There are 3 coworkers I seem to bring out the worst in, none of them were there...and the bad thing about those 3 is one is a boss. Wild? Crazy? Funny? What do you call that?
Let me explain a little about the "vibe" I get from this boss...he's the type that "favors" certain employees over others. Not so much based on the actual work they do, but physical appearances. Yeah, one of those people that think "I'm better than you b/c you don't fit a certain standard" types. The kind of people that I have strived my whole life to get them to see "Hey! There is more to me than my physical appearance." Just b/c I don't look a certain way or have their money or whatever doesn't mean I'm not worthy! I can work just as hard, I am just as smart (although I feel I'm smarter simply for the fact that I don't judge people like they do, but that's just my opinion). But this little rant isn't about me, it's about this boss. How can they expect an employee to be happy in their job when they have one boss that makes multiple employees feel this way? I know I'm not the only one that does feel that way...I know of 2 others, but doubt they would admit it to anyone else, like another boss (which I HAVE done!).
When I started this post, it was before work...as of this paragraph, I'm on lunch. Needless to say, the prior boss I was talking about has had his ass on his shoulders all freaking day! And I have been trying for a long time to be better about some things and keep MY 'tude in check, well that's hard to do when this boss has his ass on his shoulders (towards just me it seems!) For whatever reason, I feel as if he doesn't like me and pulls this crap which puts me in a bad way and then he flippin' has the BALLS to tell my other boss that I'M the one with the problem and I get yelled at for it!! I do love my job, really, but my toes are on the edge of finding another job elsewhere! I don't want to leave where I'm at, I've worked too hard to get here! But I'm almost to the point of telling them it's me or him (and I know without a doubt they would choose him over me!)
Of course, all this "negativity" is not good for me physically b/c it puts undue stress on my muscles, which makes me hurt worse...and of course, doesn't aid the 'tude! I woke up today hurting but was determined to have a good day anyway. Yesterday was the same way, but I did have a good day. Todaay...that's freakin' impossible! And it's NOT my fault! Dammit, why can't anyone believe me when I tell them ANYTHING?! I try to explain to my other boss when I'm getting yelled at that it's not entirely ME, but no, it's going in one ear and out the other! Just like with my doctor about my health!
I know one shouldn't say "never"...but I NEVER had this problem until this one boss came to work here! And noone else can see that. What's wrong with this picture? Every-freakin'-thing! I don't know what to do! I'm scared for my health, of a possibility of finding something worse than what I suspect. I just don't know how to deal anymore! I'm tired of spending my lunches crying or upset over this b.s. I'm tired (as I'm sure Mama and G-Daddy are) of going home at the end of the day and snapping at or taking it out on them. I honestly don't mean to put them through that, but it's happening more and more lately. I don't get paid enough to put up with that crap!! And my family damn sure doesn't deserve to be treated this way by me!!
Ok, lunch is just about over, so we'll see how the rest of this day goes. Maybe the ass will have his ass off his shoulders when I go back on shift...but I'm not holding my breath!!
Ok, now it's 7pm and I'm sitting here finishing up this post before I head home. The rest of the day was better b/c about an hour after getting back from lunch, the ass left for the day! Yeah baby! Needless to say things were better! So I'm gonna leave it there and end this post on a better note. Ta-Ta for now!
So once I got home, I talked with Mama about the days events and felt even better. Though today, I'm definately feeling the stress I was under yesterday in my muscles. I didn't want to get out of bed this am...but I forced myself to and go to the store with Mama. I didn't even feel like typing up this post...but I have to force myself to do these things. This is the kind of thing I go through on a daily basis. My arms and legs are just soooo weak right now it's all I can do to sit here. Well, that's all for now...more next time.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Ho-Hum Cont.
Ok, so where was I? Oh yeah...
Funny? I think so...but then again, I must have a weird sense of humor! Maybe I'm just paranoid since I'm going through this difficult time in my life where I don't know what's going on with me physically and feel as if I have no control over anything!
Anyway, just some thoughts I was having.
On a brighter note, I did manage to dig up alot of information on the Willard family history while on vacation. I'm writing it all down in a notebook until I can transfer it to a family tree. Even found gravesites of some family and took pics of the markers and such.
We also started bowling on the WTQR Kingpin league on Tuesday nights. That's gonna be fun...after all, that's what we enjoy, HAVING FUN!! And I think that league is going to be a BLAST! We had our last coach-it-up class tonight, then next Wednesday we have the Co-Ed league meeting...and alot of the same people that we bowled with over the summer will be there...like Fruit-Loop aka Cyril, Lynn, Rachel, and I'm not sure who else. That will be fun too!
I just hope that physically I'll be able to bowl 2 nights back to back...this will be the test. I go on the 11th to see a neurologist, whom I hope can see what my family doctor seems to be ignoring. I will post up-dates on that as I can. I'm kind of excited but scared at the same time. Excited that I may/will find out what's wrong with me, but scared of what it may be. My best friend said something to me that bothers me...said I have "the walk" of someone with MS (multiple sclerosis). THAT'S SCARY!! I would rather it be FM (fibromyalgia) than MS! MS seems worse than FM. My biggest fear of it all is that I could have to quit working! I can't do that! I need the $$ too bad and the benefits. I know I could probably get disability...but I'm too young for that! Besides, I do love my job! I would go crazy if I had to stop working! But, I've also heard that even being on disability, I could still work part-time. I could deal with that, I guess I would have to! I would rather work full-time though..without disability! Maybe I'm just being paranoid again or maybe it's all this fear. Is that fear natural? Or wrong?
Funny? I think so...but then again, I must have a weird sense of humor! Maybe I'm just paranoid since I'm going through this difficult time in my life where I don't know what's going on with me physically and feel as if I have no control over anything!
Anyway, just some thoughts I was having.
On a brighter note, I did manage to dig up alot of information on the Willard family history while on vacation. I'm writing it all down in a notebook until I can transfer it to a family tree. Even found gravesites of some family and took pics of the markers and such.
We also started bowling on the WTQR Kingpin league on Tuesday nights. That's gonna be fun...after all, that's what we enjoy, HAVING FUN!! And I think that league is going to be a BLAST! We had our last coach-it-up class tonight, then next Wednesday we have the Co-Ed league meeting...and alot of the same people that we bowled with over the summer will be there...like Fruit-Loop aka Cyril, Lynn, Rachel, and I'm not sure who else. That will be fun too!
I just hope that physically I'll be able to bowl 2 nights back to back...this will be the test. I go on the 11th to see a neurologist, whom I hope can see what my family doctor seems to be ignoring. I will post up-dates on that as I can. I'm kind of excited but scared at the same time. Excited that I may/will find out what's wrong with me, but scared of what it may be. My best friend said something to me that bothers me...said I have "the walk" of someone with MS (multiple sclerosis). THAT'S SCARY!! I would rather it be FM (fibromyalgia) than MS! MS seems worse than FM. My biggest fear of it all is that I could have to quit working! I can't do that! I need the $$ too bad and the benefits. I know I could probably get disability...but I'm too young for that! Besides, I do love my job! I would go crazy if I had to stop working! But, I've also heard that even being on disability, I could still work part-time. I could deal with that, I guess I would have to! I would rather work full-time though..without disability! Maybe I'm just being paranoid again or maybe it's all this fear. Is that fear natural? Or wrong?
Ho-Hum
Well, I'm back to work from vacation...and it seems as if nothing has changed attitude wise. Oh, and it appears also that a few people have broken their arms...or hands...or ears b/c they can't answer phones! Or maybe the phones themselves are broken...or maybe my hearing has just all of a sudden become dog-like and I'm the only one that can hear the ringing! No, their ears must be broken b/c my boss heard it ringing too, and would answer it, so did my cashiers...so I guess everyone else that was there today has broken ears/hands...and attitudes. I actually find it funny! Here I thought "I've been gone for a week...thinking it was MY presence before vacation that brought on the 'tudes"...and I guess I was right! Oh and apparently, though I openly admit if I mess up or make a mistake, I can't count and am the ONLY one that makes mistakes...and then DON'T own up to them. Let's see, didn't I just say I "openly admit" to my mistakes? Oh, I sure did! How funny! HA HA! I may make mistakes, especially on bad days ( who doesn't right?), like a simple miscalculation, but very RARELY do I make medication mistakes. Nor do I "cut" corners just to make things move faster! I DO check my NDC's, like my job entails I do and circle them..unlike some who just circle the NDC's and don't even look! But, the funniest thing...the same person that makes smart-ass comments pertaining to others is the one that makes the MOST mistakes! Now, if that isn't funny, well I just don't know what is!! Oh, and why is it that I can talk to my boss about how I feel about all this and nothing gets done, yet others can talk to him and there is immediate action taken? Ok, back to work lunch is over...I will finish this up later tonite!!!
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